Will you get me?

Sometimes I just want to go back, a whole year, to live and enjoy it over and over again. But whenever I tell you this, you look confused, maybe sad. You start to ask yourself the question, if I am not happy where I am, and when I am with you.
It was so uncomplicated. It was almost as if life was just a big game. A big game, where you could do whatever you wanted to with no consequences. I just did whatever my heart told me to.
Sometimes when I listen to a song, a special song. I can hear your voice and I know that you would do your little finger dance, right now.
Tangible happiness, when I go for a walk, and imagine you are here, here with me. I see the park in front of me and I am back on top of our rock, for just a second.
Now I am here, sitting in the middle of this crowd. They talk about the weekend, alcohol, grades, sex, and the stuff some girl is wearing, and no one gets how unimportant all this is (and no one would even notice if I would not be there).
I took tons of pictures when I was with you, just moments like when we went to the pool, or sat in the car, windows down, radio up, felt the cold mountain air on our faces. These pictures are all in me and I take them out, whenever I want too.
School, Abitur, go to the University, do I really want this I ask myself. And what afterwards? Study something, but what? And then? Work, marry, a nice house, two sweet kids, maybe a family-friendly dog, a family-car and a big unreal Christmas tree?
I am going crazy, I am stuck in here! I want to go back, back to my pink wonder world. Where nobody cares what you wear and who you used to be. School worked out pretty good, I was able to do what my heart told me to, and nobody compared me to anyone. Everyone loved me for me being who I am with all my mistakes.
Where did they go? The lost hours and days which I want to get back. Maybe I feel fear, maybe desperation, anger or disappointment when I think of my reality.
I am disgusted when I look around me and see that I have everything I could wish for, but that is not enough. Because my heart needs more than a nice home, a room full of everything I need, a life that looks for everyone from a distance like a picture book-life.
My heart wants to be wild, I want to climb mountain, sing notes way too loud to good songs, jump naked in a pool, do cow tipping and get head and heart free. I want to see my normal live through a computer screen.
That is why I will come back, soon. That is why my heart starts to beat faster; because you are so different to me; and you show me new things.