Happy Couples Drunk Couples
Tonight's cast consists of Charlotte (20 year old literature student), Matthew (28 year old craftsman painter), Hayley (24 year old sales assistent), Tim (23 year old drama student), Tamsin (24 year old baker) and Arne (26 currently unemployed).
I met Charlotte months ago at the V Bar and in my charming drunkness I put a spell on her. Which I did not mean to and which annoyed Tamsin to no end. Especially after Charlotte had found out that I am friends with Tim and begged my number off him (apparently via facebook messages bombarding). She phoned our home a few times and my girlfriend quizzed me about what I get up to when I'm out on my own. She even quizzed the dog a little but he wouldn't say a word.
Tamsin had found Tim half-unconcious under the stairs at the student union. We had carried him over to the café and bought him tea until he was sort of sober again. After that, he appeared everywhere, all the time, a lot of the time in our living room on the sofa, preferably horizontal and moaning about something or other. Tamsin made us kiss each other one night while watching Mock The Week. He is a blatantly bad kisser but his bedroom eyes and cheeky smile get him everywhere.
Matthew bought me scotch whiskey at the Prembroke last autumn and we became friends. Our favourite past time is to pretend to want to play rugby while we just sit around and drink a lot of beer. It is far less sweaty and usually does not hurt quite as much, either. When we don't feel like drinking, we actually go and play rugby with some lads on the common.
I have no idea where Tamsin found Hayley but since they became friends, she made a habit of calling us up on Sundays at nine. Preferably on days off. She demands Tamsin's attention for an hour or two to complain about men while I dooze in bed or try to watch television. She somehow managed to become our top topic during morning sex (what we only have on days off when she - for some reason - does not call).
To make us all suffer less, Tamsin decided it would be a good idea to set them up. Tim had explained that Charlotte was of course very nice and he does like slim girls with brown hair but she has so many issues, how can people live like that? Tamsin and I had to roll eyes behind his back. So Charlotte (who had also said that she was by no means interested in Tim, such a skinny, silly sod) and Tim would not fit. But maybe Tim would like Hayley with her dark blonde hair and exceptionally well-built body (Tamsin's words). And hadn't Matthew mentioned he was single? And didn't Charlotte's ex-boyfriend look like a rugby player?
So we all went to Little Johnny's. Since all our friends are slightly thick, only Hayley realised fast enough it was a set up. Mind you, Tim had stripped her with his eyes as soon as she walked through the door and she quite liked that he listened to her all evening, nevermind how silly and girly it got and even Tamsin had to give up paying attention.
Charlotte and Matthew were a bit harder, which had Tamsin worried. She bought more rounds than we really have money for and insisted on tequila shots. I took her to the side after a while, scared she might spoil the whole mission by being too keen on the coupling. Charlotte was playing hard to get. Matthew was being annoyingly British and polite. They ended up talking about re-fitting bathrooms.
Hayley and Tim disengaged from heavy snogging to go outside for a fag. They never returned but Tamsin received a *thumbs up* text the next morning. Charlotte and Matthew hugged when they said goodbye (Matthew offering to walk her home but Charlotte refusing, saying it wasn't too far from the pub). Tamsin groaned, whining about the whole thing going wrong (she didn't mind urging on bloke-kissing as long as it was during advert breaks on telly and she could be the judge of tongue-work but that little slut of a skinny girl should better watch her every move). However, I met Matthew for lunch, today. I wanted to ask about rugby, this weekend, but he was distracted by texting Charlotte.
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